Why I Hide On New Year’s Eve

A fair few years ago, I realised that New Year’s Eve is not my friend.

On Christmas Eve, the man I was in love with told me he’d cheated and then on New Year’s Eve, he told me that he wasn’t interested in seeing me again (as he was interested in seeing this other girl).

Since then, I’ve actually, sincerely enjoyed spending NYE on my own. I rent movies, drink a lot of alcohol and go to bed whenever the hell I want.

This year, I’m doing the same thing, but made the mistake of checking my online dating account, only to see that a guy I’ve been chatting to for a month or so has deleted me. I put it down to me telling him not to call me “miss”.

In his last message, he wrote, “What did you get for Christmas, miss?” (minus the punctuation).

I replied, naming two things I’d received, and then added that I’d appreciate it if he didn’t call me ‘miss’. I didn’t say this, but IMO, ‘Miss’ is what you say when you are 7 and have forgotten the name of your teacher, or what you say to a complete stranger (“Excuse me, miss, you dropped your purse”), or if you are a child-star in a Dickensian play. Or it’s what you say when you are an adult patronising another adult you are acquainted with. Whatever, it rubs me the wrong way and I find it a complete turn-off.

He obviously didn’t appreciate me giving him information about what turns me off, and deleted me.

I guess it’s good riddance, since turn ons/offs is something I’d like to think a potential partner would be interested in. If he said, “I’d rather you didn’t call me ‘[insert any name or title]’,” I hope I’d be open enough to take that on board.

It still sucks to be rejected on NYE.

Story Time!

A blog I follow asked for bad date stories and after going through my archives, I realised I haven’t posted a story I pull out whenever I want to give new friends a laugh (and make them thank God they are not single). So, here is the story of Car Guy, which happened fairly early on in my online-dating experiences.

I had been chatting to Car Guy [obviously not his name, but go with me here] for a few days when we agreed to meet. We’d been chatting pretty much every day and conversation flowed easily. He decided to take me to a comedy club in the city, meeting for coffee first.

I dressed up, looking forward to the night, and got there a few minutes early, sitting outside the designated coffee shop. As he walked past, he looked at me, paused, and said in questioning greeting, “Amy?”

“Car Guy! Hi!” I stood, we pecked cheeks, and he joined me at my table.

After a bit of initial conversation, he asked, “One of the guys at the club tonight is on Triple J. Do you listen to Triple J much?”

“Not really,” I replied. “I usually only listen to radio in the car, and my last car didn’t have a working radio. I actually just upgraded on Tuesday!” We had already discussed my new (second-hand) car in an online conversation.

“That’s right,” he said. “I remember you saying you were doing that this week. What kind of car did you get?”

I told him, and he asked more questions. O.K., so he wanted to talk cars. I could do that.

It went downhill from the moment he asked, “What was the first car you ever had?”

Well! My first car was quite a few years ago, before the non-radio car, and as I’ve never been one to know makes and models off the top of my head, I had to think about it for a second.

“Uhh…” I said as I thought. I was about to say, “I can’t remember,” when it came to me, and I told him. “It was an ’81 model, I think,” I added. “Something fairly old.”

I will never forget what he did next.

He leaned back in his chair, and crossed his arms and legs. A blind person would have been able to pick up on his body language, and I was instantly suspicious about what he might say.

He said, “I think you are lying.”

Yep, that was my response, too: “What?!”

“I don’t think you are telling me the truth.”

“What?” It was all I could say. My brain was frozen. It had hit a brick wall and was working furiously, mentally replaying the conversation and cycling through all the possibilities of what was going on. Was it a joke? Candid camera? Was he giving me some sort of bizarre humour test? Did I inadvertently give off ‘lying’ signals?… I was coming up blank on all counts.

“I don’t think this is going to work,” he continued.

Pause. Split-second thinking. The brick wall wasn’t budging.

“O.K.,” I replied airily. A bit in shock, but in control enough to decide not to waste my time on the loser, I picked up my bag and walked off, not looking back.

I got around the corner before the nerves collapsed in the shape of salty tears – I’ll say it was the after-effects of shock 😛 . I messaged a friend, who thankfully was home, and after a few hours, wine, a cup of tea, and some chocolate, I was able to laugh it off.

I still see him online (using the same photo) every now and then. I chuckle every time.

Valentine’s Day Singles Party

So, I went to a singles party organised by a speed dating company. It wasn’t very expensive, and I thought, why not? Could be more fun than staying home and watching the box.

And it was. Although it wasn’t perfect (no numbers were exchanged 😦 ), it was in the top 5 of the best V-Days I’ve ever had. It was a lot of fun and I met some interesting people. I met some guys I liked, some that made for good stories (as you’ll read), and overall it was a good social night out.

Let’s start with the guys I liked.

I’ll call the first one Science Guy. I thought Science Guy was cute right from the start. We started talking and it was all going well. This was a party designed for people to “mingle”, though, so we were soon chatting to other people as we moved around the room. This was great, because I met other interesting people. Also, as I found out as the night went on, he had an issue in the form of a ‘friend’ (I’ll call her Limpet for their propensity to cling). Tell you more about that in a bit.

The next guy I found interesting I’ll call Vest Dude because, you guessed it, he was wearing a vest and tie, making him one of the more dapper in attendance. He was also a better conversationalist than most there! I caught up with both Science Guy and Vest Dude several times throughout the night.

They were the main two who had my attention. I was still “mingling” and talking to the girls as well as other guys. It was interesting to note that people tended to form loose groups within the first few hours – Science Guy and Limpet, Vest Dude and his friend, and a few others were coming and going from one such group.

Another guy I liked was a hairdresser in town (forgot his name). We had a good chat, but we didn’t catch each other again before he left.

Anyway, back to Science Guy and Limpet. She talked almost exclusively to him, or people in the group he was talking with. I never saw her more than a few feet away from him. At one stage Science Guy and I were in involved in discussion while she sat on a nearby seat and skyped a friend. We went outside and she followed not a minute later, continuing to talk on her phone (and interrupting us). The three of us then talked about going with a group into town after the party. At first she said she’d go and then she said she wouldn’t. When Science Guy said he was still going, she got mad and the drama started (and I left the vicinity).

From some of what he said and from what I observed, I knew he was totally cock-blocked. Basically, they were ‘friends’, but not boyfriend and girlfriend, and had come together, but were not ‘together’ (it was a singles party after all). However, he was ‘not allowed’ to get any numbers, and she was practically following him into the men’s room. She was one of the most possessive, controlling and jealous non-girlfriends I’ve ever had the displeasure of spending time with. It was actually quite pathetic.

Much later in the evening after the singles party had finished, a group of us (including Vest Dude) were in a downstairs part of the bar still drinking and talking. I thought Science Guy and Limpet had left long ago, but he came up and asked me to go outside with him. He was obviously interested, but Limpet was out the door behind us like a bad smell, accusing him of not wanting to talk to her and accusing us both of ‘hiding’ (or some such rubbish). I wasn’t about to get caught up in the drama and although I would have loved to give it to her straight (“Can you just leave us alone for a minute?”, but I thought that line should have come from him), I also didn’t want to cause him problems, so I played her game, followed his lead, and pretended we were just out for a cigarette (I gave up about 8 years ago, but I took his and had a drag and then offered it to her, playing innocent and making out that I thought that’s why she was out there, too). Then I went back inside and basically left them to it.

It’s a pity. Under different circumstances, I would have offered Science Guy my number, but that drama just SCREAMED “DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!” I’m sure he’s a lovely guy, but I don’t need someone else’s drama and a jealous non-girlfriend. Good luck, Science Guy! Go find yourself and then get back to me.

So, back to Vest Dude. Although we seemed to get along well, I couldn’t actually tell if he was interested or not – I was, but didn’t want to make it too obvious in case he wasn’t. His friend made it a little more awkward – the drunker he got, the more he tried to get us together. At one stage the friend was sitting between us and he looked from one to the other and then turned to me and said something along the lines of, “He had nice bones. You should jump his bones”.
It was a funny line (actually funnier now than it was last night) and I was interested, but I wasn’t about to jump anyone, so I sort of just brushed it off (I thought Vest Dude was ignoring it, too, but looking back I can’t be sure). I thought I’d shown enough interest and Vest Guy wasn’t exactly a cowering wall flower – I figured he’d give me his number or ask for mine if he wanted, but he didn’t. (Of course, being an over-thinker, I go back over the night and think what if he WAS interested but thought I really WASN’T?! What if he really WASN’T interested and I’m over-thinking this (almost certainly the case! :P) And of course, the more I over-think it, the more I’m pissed at myself that I didn’t just give him my number…)
Interestingly, Vest Dude’s friend let slip (he was past tipsy at this stage) that they thought I was a ring in. I asked him to explain and he said they thought the speed dating company paid me to come to the party to make the guys think it was worth coming for the quality chicks. Now, I know I looked good last night, but I have no tickets on myself, so I was a little surprised. It also makes me think (yes, I’m over-thinking again) that maybe Vest Dude may have been intimidated, but he didn’t strike me as the intimidated type. Anyway, enough over-thinking!!

There was one other guy I liked. I’ll call him “Late Guy”, because he didn’t show up until the party was over (most people had left by 10:30 and they closed the room soon after anyway) and we were drinking downstairs. I would have liked his number, too, but again, it didn’t happen. Late Guy and Vest Dude actually live in neighbouring suburbs. Oh, the coulda shoulda wouldas!!

So, there you go, that was my night with the guys I had my eye on. Now to the guys who are just entertainment for this blog.

I was at the bar when a guy came up to me, slid me a lollypop (the event organisers had them out on the tables) and said, “Did you lose this?”
“Uh, no,” I dismissed him as I turned back to see about my drink. (Why did I dismiss him? No one thing, but I’m sure you know how tone of voice, looks, body language, pick-up line, what you are doing and thinking in that moment, and a plethora of other factors all play a part in getting a sense of someone and whether you are interested in them or not within the first few seconds of meeting them).
He went on to introduce himself and I knew almost before he said it what his name would be. Now, I don’t usually judge someone by their name, but due to past experiences with guys of this name (not only my experiences, but also that of my friends) this name is like a fire alarm telling me to RUN. (This is M, by the way, if you want to read his story). He tried to engage me with some terrible flirting. I tried not to be a total bitch until my drink came and I told him ‘bye’.

The second good story came towards the end of the singles party. One of the girls I was talking to came from China. A slightly drunk and sleazy guy nearby heard and started asking her questions like, “Have you seen the terracotta warriors? They are something like the seventh wonder of the world”.
As I was thinking, “Eighth wonder of the ancient world”, a similarly drunk and sleazy guy leaned towards me and said, “And you must be the eight wonder of the world.”
While I give him credit for thinking on his feet with the follow-up line, I just can’t help but find this type of flirting off-putting. Maybe I’m just compliment-phobic, but I cringe inside and have to work not to let it show. Of course if he’d been hot, I would still have cringed, but I may have given him a second chance :p .

The Chinese girl had come with a friend, which brings me to my final anecdote. While this singles party was supposed to be for ages 25-45, there was one man there who looked like he was pushing at least 65. On one hand I felt sorry for him, but seriously, what was he doing there? How did he get in? Unfortunately for the second Chinese girl, she was too polite. He was following her and she couldn’t get rid of him and was such a sweetie and wouldn’t say anything – she felt trapped. The girls had joined the group downstairs; Old Man had followed Girl2 and she was at the point of leaving. I subtly asked the girls if she actually wanted to leave or if she wanted to stay but didn’t want Old Man harassing her. It was a case of the latter. Since I’m not a sweetie and am not polite if the situation calls for it, I asked her if she wanted me to get rid of him for her. She smiled, but was embarrassed. Girl1 was a bit more enthusiastic about that plan and managed to distract him while Girl2 moved away, turned her back and started a conversation with Late Guy and I. When Old Man didn’t get the hint and started tapping her on the shoulder, I asked if I could help him. He said he wanted to talk to her, so I leaned in and said quietly, “I’m sorry, but she’s been really polite talking to you before and now she wants to talk to other people,” before going back to the conversation with Late Guy. Old Guy left very soon after and we all had a wonderful time for a few more hours. The Chinese girls thanked me for my help 😀 Always happy to help a sister, girls! Always happy!

So, to sum up, I had a great night. A bit less drama (although it WAS a little entertaining) and a few more numbers, and it would have been perfect ❤ ❤ ❤