WHY WHY WHY do I look up exes?

I’m going through crap with A, and this must not be enough crap for me, because I decided to look up J – ‘Sometimes deletion is required‘ was one of my last posts about him.

All I can say is – I told you so!
He’s back with the “ex” he couldn’t stop talking about and they have a baby.

I KNEW that would happen! It sucks big fat hairy sweaty gangrenous balls to be precognitive.

Of course, if this was the Matrix, you could ask – did he go back to her because I didn’t stick with it through the hot and cold, or did I do the right thing and got out when I saw the signs?

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The Soundtrack of A

This is a work in progress as the relationship develops…

Started off:
Arms – Christina Perri

Where I hoped it was going:
Congratulations – Blue October
Still falling for you – Ellie Goulding

Now?????:
It’s all your fault – Pink
Without a word – Birdy

Bitch FM – Music To Get Over That Asshole

After bawling your eyes out to Sad FM, you are now ready for Bitch FM.

When you get over the initial knife-to-the-heart feeling and reality starts to set back in, Bitch FM is there for you to regain your power. We will not be defeated by bad men and stick insects (of whatever nationality).

So, in no particular order (although my favourites are closer to the top), I give you Bitch FM.

Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood

Bitch – Stephen Lynch

Narcissus – Alanis Morissette

Beware Of The Dog – Jamelia

Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar

What About Me – Cascada

U + Ur Hand – P!nk

Heartbreak Down [Explicit Version] – P!nk

How Come You’re Not Here? – P!nk

Blow me (one last kiss) – P!nk

F*ckin Perfect – P!nk

Titanium – David Guetta (feat. Sia)

Bulletproof – La Roux

Fighter – Christina Aguilera

Bust Your Windows – Glee Cast

Survivor / I Will Survive – Glee Cast

Gives You Hell – Glee Cast

Shake It Out – Florence + The Machine

I’m Not Calling You A Liar – Florence + The Machine

Outta My Head – Leona Lewis

Holding Out For A Hero – (I like the Shrek version with Jennifer Saunders)

You Thought Wrong – Kelly Clarkson (feat. Tamyra Gray)

Poison – Alice Cooper

Lying – Amy Meredith

Karma (Reggaeton Remix) – Alicia Keys

Straitjacket – Alanis Morissette

Right Through You – Alanis Morissette

Precious Illusions – Alanis Morissette

Give a little respect – Erasure

Respect – Aretha Franklin

Think – Aretha Franklin

Irreplaceable – Beyoncé

Best Thing I Never Had – Beyoncé

Single Ladies – Beyoncé

Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

I’m Not Missing You – Stacie Orrico

Song For the Dumped – Ben Folds Five

When The Going Gets Tough – Billy Ocean

You Give Love A Bad Name – Bon Jovi

It ‘s My Life – Bon Jovi

Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift

Life’s A Bitch – Shooter

Go to Hell – Milk Inc

Bitch – Meredith Brooks

I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan

Independent Women – Destiny’s Child

Hunter – Dido

According To You – Orianthi

This Is Who I Am – Vanessa Amorosi

Predictable – Delta Goodrem

F.U. Right Back (Explicit) – Frankee

Hot N Cold (Jason Nevins Remix) – Katy Perry

Chewing Gum – Annie

B.I.T.C.H – Jamelia

It’s Really Not My Night….

No sooner have I hit “publish” on my previous post than it happens again.

pixpls

This is the line in my profile where I apparently “demand” pictures.

pictures

It’s obviously not my night. Please tell me why it’s such a big deal that someone doesn’t answer for all of 15 minutes (ok, maybe 25, since I was shaving a month of growth off my legs ready for the hot weather tomorrow). How is that “playing games”?!?!  Sure, I responded to his comment about Charles and Camilla (is that important to him ?!?!) jotted in 5 seconds before I went offline, but “pix of you” out of nowhere is not going to get a response, please or no please.

And he spelt “semantics” wrong.

(At then end of an actual conversation, “I have really enjoyed chatting to you. Can I see your pictures, please?” would likely have worked).

I think I’ll give up for tonight, unless you think I can go three for three 😛 😉

Fastest way to make me lose interest…..

One of my pet peeves when online dating is when you are asked for a pic right off the bat. On one site I’m on, my pictures are set to private so I ‘open’ them only to specific contacts. My previous modus operandi when someone asked to see my pics within the first few lines of introductory conversation was to shrug and do it. Then I changed tactics and preferred to chat a little first, especially if someone hadn’t written much on their profile. I don’t really know which works better – I’ve had people delete me right away trying both tactics, so I now go with my gut on a case-by-case basis and when in doubt try to chat first. I’m looking for something deeper than looks (and for someone who is also looking deeper than looks), after all, and while physical attraction is a must, it can develop with time.

mm1Take this guy. His profile was well-written and reasonably interesting, and although I wasn’t attracted to his pic, I accepted his request. He seemed to have a little more depth than some people you find online, but that impression ended up being a touch incorrect. This was the end of our conversation (there was only about 5 or 6 lines above this. Names and most of his face cropped for privacy. And sorry for my poor screenshot alignment…).

The ‘busty’ comment refers to one line I have in my profile (which I wrote some time ago, so it took me a moment to make the connection) which says something along the lines of ‘If you like girls who have double D boobs and wear make-up 20 hours a day, I’m not the one for you’. I wasn’t sure whether he was kidding about being ‘dumped’ or not, but it sure wasn’t endearing.

I am perfectly comfortable with who I am and what I look like (no Kate Moss, but I can turn heads on occasion) and have no issues with the fact that I won’t be everyone’s ‘type’. My theory is that it’s better to weed out who you can as early as possible when online dating. If someone is hung up on big boobs, I don’t want them wasting my time.
Of course, there’s no guarantee that someone will actually read your profile before sending you a contact request…

So, what’s your theory? Unlock pics when asked or chat first?

Ghosting

The New York Times recently ran an article about “ghosting” in a relationship – aka rather than having a closing conversation, one person “ghosts” the other, simply fading away and ignoring any contact by the other party.

“Ghosting” is the same idea as “if he’s not calling/texing, he’s just not into you,” which I hate. I think it’s a pathetic excuse for men to act like assholes.

The NYT also ran a follow-up article of responses to the first. It was interesting to read a response from someone who described a friend – not a partner – doing the fade.

Personally, I think if you’ve passed the 3-to-5-date mark, SOME sort of closure is required. Even when I meet someone online and we have a first “meeting” in real life (doesn’t even have to be a date), I think a simple, “Thanks for meeting. I don’t think we have much in common. I wish you all the best,” or some such afterwards is just plain polite, although it’s not always 100% necessary, and “ghosting” isn’t so bad after just one meeting – sometimes they just naturally fade out of your memory and you simply forget to send a closing message.

From the responses in the NYT article, I do agree that in a few circumstances ghosting is necessary. If someone isn’t getting the hint that things are over and continues contact, especially toxic contact, then ignoring them is the best policy, but that is only after you’ve had the “It’s over” conversation and left them in no doubt you don’t want further contact. It’s just cruel to leave someone with hope if there isn’t any.

I would much rather have a guy tell me why he was ending it, especially when it comes out of nowhere (D, I’m talking to you). I would much rather a guy break up with me by telling me, “I think you’re a boring bitch. You farted in your sleep and I never want to see you again”. It would hurt, sure, but most break-ups hurt. At least this way I’d be clear on where we both stand, and I’d be able to accept it and move on much easier than if I were left over-thinking things and trying to figure out what went wrong.

How about you?

Just A Thought….

How is it that someone can get under your skin… touch you deeply… make you incredibly happy… so you have plans and dreams for the future… you can see the possibilities… things you have been waiting for…

and things end suddenly, without explanation, leaving you broken… with endless questions… analysing everything to figure out what you missed… and they seem unaffected… you find out that they are moving on to the next person without a second thought.

Did they not feel what you felt? Did they not dream what you dreamt? Did they not feel joy when you laughed together? How can there be such a disconnect? How could what you shared have so little impact on them… mean so little… leave so little trace?

I don’t understand….