My love life as a movie

I’m Notting Hill… If it ends after William Thacker says “No” to the “I’m just a girl” speech.

I’m Pride and Prejudice… If Darcy and Bingly never return to Netherfield Park.

I’m How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days… If Benjamin Barry doesn’t give a sh** after reading Andie’s article (or if he never reads it at all).

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A theory… And why to be kind to those unlucky in love

I have a theory that the beginning of a pregnancy and the beginning of a relationship are similar, especially for those who have had difficulty in the past.

Both are [usually] wished for. When it starts, you are slightly surprised, delighted and trepidatious.
You don’t tell many people at first – it’s early days and you’re realistic about what can go wrong.
As it develops, you start to hope and dream about what the future may be.
The first tiny seeds of love are planted.
It doesn’t take long before the delight and hope and dreams increase.

And then, often without warning and not too far into it, it ends.

You experience shock, disbelief, devastation.
You go over and over the “what if’s”, “what did I do wrong?”, “What happened?”

You feel pain and loss and grief. What gave you joy is taken away, and the hope and dreams die. It HURTS!

Eventually, you do move on. You stop obsessing over what happened and what could have been. In a relationship breakdown, you forgive yourself and/or the other person. Life moves on.

And then it happens again.

And again.

And again.

I read an article on grief a while ago and one of the most poignant comments was that grief accumulates. Even if you have processed the grief and “gotten over” one event that caused grief, the next similar event is going to bring up the old grief again.

The pain of your third miscarriage compounds on the pain of the first two, even if the incident, in and of itself, is no different. But life events don’t happen in isolation and your past experiences make it different.

I believe this is the same regarding relationship breakdowns, and I would say that the older you get and the more of these breakdowns you experience, you’re contending with not only the accumulating grief, but also the feeling of “time running out”. How many chances do you get at love, anyway?

Before I get ripped apart about how a miscarriage and a breakup are not the same, I’m going to say that I agree. I’m not saying they are the same, I’m saying the process of hope and loss is comparable.

Is the loss experienced in a miscarriage greater? That’s highly likely and I by no means mean to diminish the devastation of miscarriage. (I have never experienced a miscarriage myself, but I’ve had several friends go through this.)

I HAVE had MANY relationship breakdowns, though. [Do I get too attached too soon? Hell, yes, I do. I know it. I try to quash it because it leaves me open to hurt, but it’s who I am.]

Not everyone knows what it’s like to have something – anything – end over and over and over and over again.

After my latest breakdown, a friend who meant well said something along the lines of “Get out of the negativity and move on”.

I wonder if she would have said the same thing if I’d just experienced my 5th miscarriage or other loss….

I WILL get over this relationship and I know it’s not the total end of the world. But it still hurts.

Be kind to people unlucky in love.

WHY WHY WHY do I look up exes?

I’m going through crap with A, and this must not be enough crap for me, because I decided to look up J – ‘Sometimes deletion is required‘ was one of my last posts about him.

All I can say is – I told you so!
He’s back with the “ex” he couldn’t stop talking about and they have a baby.

I KNEW that would happen! It sucks big fat hairy sweaty gangrenous balls to be precognitive.

Of course, if this was the Matrix, you could ask – did he go back to her because I didn’t stick with it through the hot and cold, or did I do the right thing and got out when I saw the signs?

Why I Hide On New Year’s Eve

A fair few years ago, I realised that New Year’s Eve is not my friend.

On Christmas Eve, the man I was in love with told me he’d cheated and then on New Year’s Eve, he told me that he wasn’t interested in seeing me again (as he was interested in seeing this other girl).

Since then, I’ve actually, sincerely enjoyed spending NYE on my own. I rent movies, drink a lot of alcohol and go to bed whenever the hell I want.

This year, I’m doing the same thing, but made the mistake of checking my online dating account, only to see that a guy I’ve been chatting to for a month or so has deleted me. I put it down to me telling him not to call me “miss”.

In his last message, he wrote, “What did you get for Christmas, miss?” (minus the punctuation).

I replied, naming two things I’d received, and then added that I’d appreciate it if he didn’t call me ‘miss’. I didn’t say this, but IMO, ‘Miss’ is what you say when you are 7 and have forgotten the name of your teacher, or what you say to a complete stranger (“Excuse me, miss, you dropped your purse”), or if you are a child-star in a Dickensian play. Or it’s what you say when you are an adult patronising another adult you are acquainted with. Whatever, it rubs me the wrong way and I find it a complete turn-off.

He obviously didn’t appreciate me giving him information about what turns me off, and deleted me.

I guess it’s good riddance, since turn ons/offs is something I’d like to think a potential partner would be interested in. If he said, “I’d rather you didn’t call me ‘[insert any name or title]’,” I hope I’d be open enough to take that on board.

It still sucks to be rejected on NYE.

Bitch FM – Music To Get Over That Asshole

After bawling your eyes out to Sad FM, you are now ready for Bitch FM.

When you get over the initial knife-to-the-heart feeling and reality starts to set back in, Bitch FM is there for you to regain your power. We will not be defeated by bad men and stick insects (of whatever nationality).

So, in no particular order (although my favourites are closer to the top), I give you Bitch FM.

Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood

Bitch – Stephen Lynch

Narcissus – Alanis Morissette

Beware Of The Dog – Jamelia

Hit Me With Your Best Shot – Pat Benatar

What About Me – Cascada

U + Ur Hand – P!nk

Heartbreak Down [Explicit Version] – P!nk

How Come You’re Not Here? – P!nk

Blow me (one last kiss) – P!nk

F*ckin Perfect – P!nk

Titanium – David Guetta (feat. Sia)

Bulletproof – La Roux

Fighter – Christina Aguilera

Bust Your Windows – Glee Cast

Survivor / I Will Survive – Glee Cast

Gives You Hell – Glee Cast

Shake It Out – Florence + The Machine

I’m Not Calling You A Liar – Florence + The Machine

Outta My Head – Leona Lewis

Holding Out For A Hero – (I like the Shrek version with Jennifer Saunders)

You Thought Wrong – Kelly Clarkson (feat. Tamyra Gray)

Poison – Alice Cooper

Lying – Amy Meredith

Karma (Reggaeton Remix) – Alicia Keys

Straitjacket – Alanis Morissette

Right Through You – Alanis Morissette

Precious Illusions – Alanis Morissette

Give a little respect – Erasure

Respect – Aretha Franklin

Think – Aretha Franklin

Irreplaceable – Beyoncé

Best Thing I Never Had – Beyoncé

Single Ladies – Beyoncé

Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

I’m Not Missing You – Stacie Orrico

Song For the Dumped – Ben Folds Five

When The Going Gets Tough – Billy Ocean

You Give Love A Bad Name – Bon Jovi

It ‘s My Life – Bon Jovi

Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift

Life’s A Bitch – Shooter

Go to Hell – Milk Inc

Bitch – Meredith Brooks

I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan

Independent Women – Destiny’s Child

Hunter – Dido

According To You – Orianthi

This Is Who I Am – Vanessa Amorosi

Predictable – Delta Goodrem

F.U. Right Back (Explicit) – Frankee

Hot N Cold (Jason Nevins Remix) – Katy Perry

Chewing Gum – Annie

B.I.T.C.H – Jamelia

Scientific Facts About Cheaters

Here are some facts from “Science” about cheaters:

1) Cheaters are more likely to get a broken penis.

2) They take their “secret” dates to greasy chain restaurants. (Actually, I don’t know if they are greasy, since we don’t have the ones mentioned in Australia, or at least none I’ve been to).

3) I know from experience that there are A LOT of cheaters online, but online cheaters are actually more likely to be female, and around 40% of users are married (and I know that while a lot of them lie, some are completely honest about it).

4) Cheaters tweet a lot.

5) They are not necessarily in an unhappy relationship (they are just assholes).

6) Their ring fingers are longer than their middle fingers (just one more reason to look at a guy’s hands on the first date – check the length as well as for ring lines…)

See?
Entirely scientific!

SadFM – Music For A Broken Heart

Music is incredible. It has the power to evoke emotions, amplify them, or even change them.

Sometimes when you’ve had your heart ripped out, all you want to do is sob the pain into your pillow until your face hurts (you should only do this if you don’t need to go anywhere the next day; the puffy-cry-face look isn’t easy to cover up). The up-side of this is that it can be easier to move on once you bawl it out.

So here is my UBER SadFM playlist.

I will be adding to it as I go through my iTunes and find new songs, but feel free to make any suggestions. In no particular order, I’ll give you my top 25 songs, and then a whole bunch of others, especially by artists that appear in my top 25 (and, yes, I have repeated the 25 in the big list). I’ve tried to pick a range of genres and eras.

Note: When you are not in the cry-yourself-to-sleep-in-a-self-pitying-ball mood, some of these songs won’t be nearly as powerful.

If you are feeling really low, this playlist should be used with care. Don’t dig yourself deeper. Head over to my BitchFM playlist (to be posted in the near future).

~~

TOP 25
1. Not As We – Alanis Morissette
2. Wanted You More – Lady Antebellum
3. Farewell – Rosie Thomas
4. Another lonely day – Ben Harper / Pearl Jam acoustic
5. Over you – Gabrielle
6. Collide – Howie Day
7. Don’t forget me – Way Out West
8. I Can’t Make You Love Me – Bonnie Raitt
9. What Hurts the Most – Cascada (Yanou’s candlelight remix) / Rascal Flatts
10. Sad Song – Taylor Swift
11. Jar of hearts – Christina Perri
12. I Don’t Believe You – Pink
13. Stay – Michelle Featherstone
14. Heartless – Sally Chatfield
15. Have You Ever? – Brandy
16. Forgive me – Evanescence
17. Get it right – Glee cast
18. My skin – Natalie Merchant
19. Rain – Patty Griffin
20. Nobody Knows – Babyface / Tony Rich Project
21. Stupid – Sarah McLachlan
22. Alive – Leona Lewis
23. I Can’t Break It To My Heart – Delta Goodrem
24. All Good Things (Come To An End) – Nellie Furtado
25. Turning Tables – Adele

Honorary mention: A Girl Crush – Little Big Town
~~

Lady Antebellum
– Cold As Stone
– Wanted You More
– As You Turn Away

Gabrielle
– If You Really Cared
– Should I Stay
– Out of Reach
– If I Walked Away
– Tell Me What You Dream
– Over You

Alanis Morissette
– Sorry To Myself
– Offer
– Simple Together
– Not As We
– Tapes
– Flinch

Taylor Swift
– White Horses
– Sad song
– Cold As You
– Breathe (feat. Colbie Caillat)
– Come In With The Rain
– You’re Not Sorry
– Back To December

Cascada (Yanou’s Candlelight Mix)
– Draw The Line
– Every Time We Touch
– What Hurts The Most

Leona Lewis
– Can’t Breathe
– My Hands
– Broken
– Naked
– Alive
– Stone Hearts and Hand Grenades (w. One Republic)
– Without You (Mariah Carey cover)

Jewel
– Foolish Games
– Near You Always
– You Were Meant For Me
– Don’t
– Deep Water
– Hands
– Down So Long
– Break Me
– Grey Matter
– Fragile Heart

Glee Cast
– Need You Now (Lady Antebellum)
– Get It Right

P!nk
– Please Don’t Leave Me
– I Don’t Believe You
– Whattaya Want From Me (also by Adam Lambert)
– Glitter in the Air (*This is more of a love song, but if you’ve had this, or almost had this, and lost it, it’ll make you cry).

Adele
– Turning Tables
– Someone Like You

Rosie Thomas
– It Don’t Matter to the Sun
– Let Myself Fall
– Gradually
– Farewell

Bonnie Raitt
– I Can’t Make You Love Me
– Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough

Delta Goodrem
– I Can’t Break It To My Heart
– Lost Without You

Glen Hansard
– All The Way Down (Once soundtrack feat. Markéta Irglová)
– Lies (Once soundtrack feat. Markéta Irglová)
– Everytime (Britney Spears cover)

Knock You Down – Keri Hilson

Grenade – Bruno Mars

I Wish I Didn’t Miss You – Angie Stone

Mr. Lonely – Akon

So Sick of Love Songs – Ne-Yo

Jolene – Dolly Parton

Scratch – Kendall Payne

They Weren’t There – Missy Higgins

Unlike Me – Kate Havenvik

Wish We Never Met – Kathleen Wilhoite

All Cried Out Over You – Aaliyah

How Can You Mend A Broken Heart – Al Green

Ain’t No Sunshine – Al Jarreau / Bill Withers / Lighthouse Family

Leave Out All The Rest – Linkin Park

Cup Of Coffee – Garbage

Somebody That I Used To Know – Gotye Feat. Kimbra

25 Minutes Too Late – Michael Learns to Rock

Light at the End of the Tunnel – Something for Kate

It Must Have Been Love – Roxette

Leanne Rhymes
– Probably Wouldn’t Be This Way
– How Do I Live (cover)

It Makes No Difference – The Band

The Scientist – Coldplay

All Out of Love – Air Supply

Scarlet – Brook Fraser

Nine Crimes – Damien Rice

Strawberry Wine – Deanna Carter

Clean Getaway – Maria Taylor

All By Myself – Jamie O’Neal

Both Sides Now – Joni Mitchell

Free of Me – Joshua Radin

4 In The Morning – Gwen Stefani

The Lover After Me – Savage Garden

Broken – Seether feat. Amy Lee

Breathe Me – Sia

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want – The Smiths

Apologize – One Republic

Clean Getaway – Maria Taylor

I Don’t Wanna Know – Mario Winans Ft. P. Diddy

Breathe – Melissa Etheridge

Everybody Hurts – R.E.M.

Unbreak My Heart – Toni Braxton

Unfaithful – Rihanna

Too Lost In You – Sugababes

I miss you – Sweetbox

Here Without You – Three Doors Down

Amy Winehouse
– Tears Dry On Their Own
– Back to Black

Phil Collins
– I Wish It Would Rain Down
– Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)

Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories
– Alone
– How
– Stay

Nelly
– Just A Dream
– Over And Over (Feat. Tim McGraw)

Matchbox 20
– The Difference
– Kody

James Blunt
– Goodbye My Lover
– Tears And Rain
– Cry

Brian McKnight
– Do I ever cross your mind?
– Losing you
– One Last Cry

Michelle Featherstone
– Hello, I Need You
– Coffee and Cigarettes
– Stay

Natalie Merchant
– My Skin
– Carnival

Natalie Walker
– Quicksand
– Waking Dream
– Circles

Evanescence
– My immortal
– Forgive me

Brandy
– Have You Ever?
– Almost Doesn’t Count

Alesha Dixon
– Breathe Slow (*This is actually more a love song, but can still be a tear-jerker)
– Do You Know The Way It Feels
– Can I Begin

Jason Derulo
– Blind
– Fairytale

Aimee Man
– It’s Not Gonna Stop
– You Do
– Wise Up

Backstreet Boys
– Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely
– Incomplete