Please tell me I’m right…

I keep repeating to myself:
Stop going over all the ways you would have been perfect together.

I want to remind him of the amazing times and connection we shared and the way he said he felt. I want to tell him about the future I saw for us.

But if it was right, then he would already be thinking about those things. Right?

If he can’t remember those things or see that future for himself, then nothing I say will make any difference.

Right?

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Simple Together

You’ve been my golden best friend
Now with post – demise at hand
Can’t go to you for consolation
‘Cause we’re off limits during this transition

This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can’t stop bumping into things

I thought we’d be simple together
I thought we’d be happy together
Thought we’d be limitless together
I thought we’d be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken

You’ve been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment I met you
With you I knew god’s face was handsome
With you I suffered an expansion

This loss is numbing me
It pierces my chest
And I can’t stop dropping everything

I thought we’d be sexy together
Thought we’d be evolving together
I thought we’d have children together
I thought we’d be family together
But I was sadly mistaken

If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we’d be genius together
I thought we’d be healing together
I thought we’d be growing together
Thought we’d be adventurous together
But I was sadly mistaken

Thought we’d be exploring together
Thought we’d be inspired together
I thought we’d be flying together
Thought we’d be on fire together
But I was sadly mistaken

Alanis Morissette

This song sums up the end of my relationships, the end of hope and dreams, the end of the joy of possibilities.

In one of my last dates with C, I told him about a picture book I’d seen where these two kids are talking about who they want to meet – someone to have adventures with, talk with, be funny with, and they are basically talking about each other (can’t think of the book off the top of my head…).

WHY WHY WHY do I look up exes?

I’m going through crap with A, and this must not be enough crap for me, because I decided to look up J – ‘Sometimes deletion is required‘ was one of my last posts about him.

All I can say is – I told you so!
He’s back with the “ex” he couldn’t stop talking about and they have a baby.

I KNEW that would happen! It sucks big fat hairy sweaty gangrenous balls to be precognitive.

Of course, if this was the Matrix, you could ask – did he go back to her because I didn’t stick with it through the hot and cold, or did I do the right thing and got out when I saw the signs?